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Dr. Carolle's Wellness Center for Midlife Women

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Question Any suggestions about improving my sex life?

My husband and I have been married for over 25 years. Now that all the children are gone, I was assuming that being all alone we would have more time for each other and that our sex life will be better, but this does not appear to be happening.

I love my husband and I am committed to stay married. Should I see a therapist?

Answer: Learning techniques that involve pleasurable touching, as well as enhancing your communication skills so you and your partner feel comfortable telling each other what feels good, can be more effective than psychotherapy.

Some ways to increase interest in sex include:

  • fantasy
  • role playing
  • candles
  • music
  • sexy movies
  • books
  • communication of your desires
  • prioritizing time for sexual intimacy

Plan a vacation or a weekend together alone. Make it fun again!

A healthy lifestyle, stress control, and regular exercise can improve a depressed mood.

Make time for yourself and make time for sex! One way to make sex work for years is to "treat each other as lovers."

A book that I'd like to recommend is by D. O'Connor, "How to Make Love to the Same Person for the Rest of Your Life-and Still Love It."

If you still have problems with your sex life after trying these suggestions, or if there are other types of marital conflicts, you and your husband would benefit from seeing a marital counselor.

Q and A archive

Carolle Jean-Murat, MD, FACOG